My Saturday night began as any normal uneventful weekend in my life with yard work and house cleaning. My husband Ben and I are pressure washing our deck so that it can be stained this weekend. About 6:00 we go to my brother in laws house so that his girlfriend can color and cut my hair (her dad owns the best salon in Charlotte). We had dinner plans with my in-laws and some of their friends. It's around 9 before we start our drive to the Country Club the in-laws live in. We are less than a 5 minute drive from point A to point B and just before we pull into their neighborhood something louds smacks my car.

It happened so fast that noone knew what had just slammed into my car. I turn around just as Clay says "I think I have egg on my face." Sure enough someone had thrown an egg inside my car while we were stopped at a light and lucky for my car most of it landed on Clay. I, being in the passenger seat, was the only one who wasn't covered in yolk and shells. Ben asks, "Should I turn around so we can kill 'em?". So we do, and as we can see their tail lights in the distance we decide that these are probably kids whose parents would surely send us to jail if we killed them, so we end our pursuit.

We finally arrive at the in-laws around 9:30 for dinner. Everyone in the house over 21 is beligerant as usual on just about any night and even more so on empty stomachs. We have a nice dinner, several drinks and a fire on the back porch and leave about 1 am. A very good time.

The plan was to drop Clay and Cassie off at home but when we got there they begged us to come in for a few minutes, so we did. Immediately Ben lays down on the couch and I know we are going to be there longer than a few minutes. The man doesn't require much sleep but when he finally hits the hay there is no waking him up. I make myself comfortable.

At this point, please keep in mind that it is 2am and I've had 2 glasses of wine and too many whiskey and coke's to count (or remember), Cassie, Clay and I get the bright idea to sing karaoke. Our local cable tv operator offers a karaoke channel for free and it actually has a pretty good selection. We have our own version of American Idol (I think I won) and before we know it, it's 4am and we have sang every song that we know! The playlist includes (but is not limited to)...The Broken Road by Rascall Flats, It's your love by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, I'm Too Sexy by someone not worth knowing, some Pat Benetar greats, and many others but you get the idea. I finally wake my sleeping husband and drive us home.

I woke up the next morning with not much recollection of the previous nights events and it wasn't until I went to work the following Monday that I remembered the egg that by that time had become a crusted, smelly mess in my car. It's not too easy to clean egg out of a car when it's been drying for 48 hours!

With all the stress of the holidays I felt the need to write down the events of my morning so I may laugh at them later when I am not so overwhelmed.

My morning began at 6:30am after hitting snooze on my alarm clock 3 times. After stumbling in the dark to the bathroom and showering (also in the dark, I wake up slowly) I let the dogs out of their kennels and take them outside. So far a normal morning...

I am a new resident of North Carolina and I have found that although the people are similar, the animals and especially the insects are very different from the northern half of the country. Since living here I have had lizards crawling on the outside of my house, and giant crickets making indoor appearances at the worst possible times (when I am home alone). I am thankful that my dogs will kill and/or eat most of the bugs that frequent my house.

This morning the worst bug I have encountered since moving here decided to show his face in my house! Up north we call them roaches but down south they are given a more friendly name "palmetto bug". Well, while I am blow drying my hair in the living room (I have to do this because if I do it in the bathroom I blow a fuse) I notice a large moving spot on the wall. After further inspection I realize that it's a palmetto bug and it's one of the biggest I've seen! I HATE bugs of any kind but these are the worst. Because of their size and hard shell I won't kill them. The crunch of the shell and the splatter of the giant bugs insides are enough to send chills up my spine and make me vomit. My first instinct is to point my blow dryer at the bug on the wall. I'm really not sure if I thought it would melt or burst into flames but it was the best thing I could think of without actually coming in contact with the grotesque creature. After a few minutes of watching the thing struggle it falls to the floor somewhere out of my sight. GREAT!! It's going to hide back there until I least expect it and now that I've made it mad by trying to burn it to death i'm sure it's out to get me! I decide to let the dogs inside so they can deal with it. All three dogs have spotted the bug making it's way out from under the tv and are circling like vultures around fresh road kill. Our lab strikes with his paw and flips the bug on it's back so all his legs are moving around rapidly, getting him nowhere fast. The lab strikes again and now the bug is flipped back on his feet and is trying to make an escape. Now me and all the dogs are running around the bug like we're watching a cock fight and my little yorkie makes the brave move that puts and end to the fiasco. The bug is not dead but wounded bad enough that I'm not scared to pick it up and throw it away anymore. I was so proud of my little Max and his uncharacteristic bravery.

It may sound like I am making a big deal out of nothing but my fear of bugs is serious. This was a traumatic experience for me and it all happened while I was in a towel with half-dryed hair.